Once you have found an interested mother/caregiver, the next step is to set-up your first meeting with her. You are being brave in taking this step. Well done. Here are some questions you might have about getting those initial meetings (and the relationship) off to a good start:
Where and how long should you meet for?
Initially you should put a four month time limit on the relationship. This period could be extended if it is clear that the relationship is progressing well after three to four months. Until you are both comfortable in the relationship, arrange the meetings in a public venue such as a coffee shop or restaurant. Be sensitive around issues of transport costs and paying for coffee. Once the relationship is established, you might want to see where each other lives. Initially put a time limit (45 minutes to an hour) to the first one or two meetings – this will take the pressure off both of you.
What should I try and find out before we meet?
Before you schedule your first meeting find out:
- The age of the mother
- If she is still pregnant, what month of pregnancy is she in?
- If the baby has already been born, what is the age and gender of the child?
- Is he or she an only child or are there siblings?
What should we talk about in those first few meetings?
During each of the face-to-face meetings in the first 4 months, you can use our suggested questions to guide your conversation. This will give each of you the opportunity to share your personal answers to the same questions. You can also talk about the baby/infant’s development – how is it going and what is important at their current developmental stage.
Continuing the relationship in the long-term
If you are continuing the relationship after 4 months: congratulations! The two of you have created something special – a relationship imbued with the everyday magic that can make all the difference in the life of a child! At this stage you should have a good feel for the next steps in your relationship, but if you need inspiration or support, sign-up for Cape Town Embrace’s Facebook page and newsletter. You can also contact them at any stage for advice.